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A Simply Shocking Sex Party
My old friend Audrey appeared at my front door like a kindergartner sent home with note to her parents. "You haven't prepared me!" she said, pointing her finger at me. "Oh, what have I done now?" I said, pulling her into the kitchen. "It's what you haven't done," Audrey insisted. "You take me into your cozy home where we talk about surf breaks and lasagna recipes and weird dog tricks, but you never tell me what's going on in the wide world of radical sex!" I blew my mouthful of mint tea into the sink. "And what, pray tell, don't you know about sex, little girl?" Audrey is as old as I am, and we've traveled down many of the same paths. In fact, our lovers bear an uncanny resemblance to each other. "This is serious. I've been invited to my first sex party..." "Oh please," I interrupted. "Don't try to pretend that you haven't been in a group grope before." "That was the '80s!" Audrey said, wounded. "That was fooling around in a hot tub with a line of cocaine on a make-up mirror! This time I'm going to a real, 21st century sex party with all the trimmings -- full dungeon, full latex -- not to mention I have a real date and we're both going stone-cold sober. You would not believe the list of things he told me we could do." "It can't be anything you haven't thought of before." "It is! I mean, what am I supposed to do about this electricity thing they're all into?" "I assume you're talking about those weird electrical devices that people give each other a little jolts with," I said, and pretended to zap her with my finger. "I don't think that's so funny. I can't believe you're so calm about it -- doesn't anything ever frighten you?" "Audrey, are you really frightened?" I raised one eyebrow. "I think you're having a case of pre-prom nerves. You can't stand that you don't know more about sex than your date for a change. But isn't that fun? A little bit of a thrill to be the novice?" "Maybe..." Audrey twirled her long hair around her fingers. "But I still don't want to be laid out on a slab and electrocuted." I was never going to be able to swallow my tea if she kept this up. "Is that really what your new beau wants? Or did he tell you that some people might be playing that game?"
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